i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
