Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
