wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
