Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
