nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
