So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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