my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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