Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
