Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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