Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize