what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
