my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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