Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ketchup is God's man juice
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
