I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
