this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
