I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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