beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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