Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
