Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
