Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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