I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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