He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
