he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
