Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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