so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
being pregnant is like rehab
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
