He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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