I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
