saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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