I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
