i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
