The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
