ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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