Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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