I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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