woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
time to smoke my breakfast
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
