i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
