Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize