im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
