I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
