Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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