He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
