You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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