my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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