I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
