I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
