she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
