In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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