i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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