You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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