the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How does one acquire holy water?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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