Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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