when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
