guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
