Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
