it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
