I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
