Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
