Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
