I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
