hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
